If you follow me on Instagram, Twitter, or YouTube, you may have noticed that I have been fairly silent lately. I have always tried to maintain a certain level of transparency with my followers, & although this is something I knew I wanted to share with you all, I haven't been able to bring myself to do so until now because I have been afraid of receiving unwanted advice, judgement, & everything else that comes with the "invisible pain" I've been living with for several months now.
Close to the end of last summer, I started getting a mild pain in my feet. Nothing too serious at first, & because my job requires me to be on my feet at all times, I didn't really think anything of it. As the months went by, the pain increased & it started to become difficult to walk in the mornings & from the car to our front door after work. At the time I was also going on morning walks two to three times a week so I didn't really have much reason to think that it was anything serious, but I've recently come to realize that I was mistaken.
What I first thought was simply tired feet has become almost crippling pain. There is never any swelling or bruises, & although my feet will occasionally get blotchy, there aren't any tell-tale signs that something is wrong so it is easy for people around me to assume I am just being lazy or exaggerating... but the truth is, I'm fighting back tears every moment that I am standing.
It has gotten to the point that I’ve had to spend the days I work confined to the couch or in bed in order to be able to make it through the night (I work nights at a concert venue) & the next day I am not only in excruciating pain, but my mobility is even more limited than the day before. Sometimes it can take a couple of days to recover enough just to be able to do menial tasks like cleaning the dishes or making myself breakfast & it makes it difficult to work several nights back to back.
What I first thought was simply tired feet has become almost crippling pain. There is never any swelling or bruises, & although my feet will occasionally get blotchy, there aren't any tell-tale signs that something is wrong so it is easy for people around me to assume I am just being lazy or exaggerating... but the truth is, I'm fighting back tears every moment that I am standing.
It has gotten to the point that I’ve had to spend the days I work confined to the couch or in bed in order to be able to make it through the night (I work nights at a concert venue) & the next day I am not only in excruciating pain, but my mobility is even more limited than the day before. Sometimes it can take a couple of days to recover enough just to be able to do menial tasks like cleaning the dishes or making myself breakfast & it makes it difficult to work several nights back to back.
I have tried soaking my feet, I have tried massaging them, I have tried insoles & even several different pairs of shoes, but the reality is that nothing has made the slightest bit of difference. It’s been hard on me not being able to be as active as I’d like. I haven’t been able to run & play with my daughter, I have been struggling to keep up with housework & I have had to cancel plans with friends more times than I can count because I simply cannot bear the pain long enough to make it worth it.
Every day is different & some days I can accomplish a lot more than others. Sometimes I am better at a certain time of day, & sometimes walking five feet to refill my water bottle is too much for me. However, if I do spend any time on my feet, it always results in even more time I have to spend off of them, so even if I seem like I am okay, the reality is that I have to be careful with how I use that time.
This has been really hard on me not only physically, but emotionally & mentally as well because I feel very isolated from everyone & have missed out on so many things that I would have loved to do. I want to be out getting exercise, I want to be going out with my friends & out running around with Ivy, but the reality is that it is hard on me just to move through our 1000 square foot apartment. I know some of our friends know a little bit about what I have been going through, but because there are no broken bones or any visible damage, it is easy to underestimate what I am truly going through.
Obviously I am going to get this checked out so I can find out what is going on & properly take care of it, but I would like to kindly ask that you keep your diagnoses to yourself. I know many of you have experienced some kind of physical pain that you feel may be similar, but a lot of these suggestions have left me over-analyzing or feeling even more helpless than before. However, I want you all to know how much I appreciate the support I have been shown & the encouragement you all have been giving me throughout this trying time. I am doing my best to remain positive & focus on my blessings!
Much Love,
Leah-Georgina Garcia
XOXO
No comments:
Post a Comment